Having spent the last few years, with a startling, debilitating health crisis that popped up out of the clear blue and hit my spouse head on, it has been interesting to see how those around us, (mostly friends and family) have reacted.
Some have ignored the situation completely and disappeared. Our value has been lowered, and so they have moved on to greener pastures.
Some have questioned the legitimacy of the health crisis, even after multiple tests and medical specialists, gave it a name.
Others have given non-stop suggestions and advice, most of which has been uninvited.
I am amazed and taken aback at the people who truly believe they are better informed regarding our situation, than the doctor, surgeon, neurologist and other specialists. It’s like they need to prove that they have the answers, and if they were in our shoes……((insert magic wand here)).
Well, they’d have the answers, they’re pretty sure of that.
Yet they’ve never walked a single step of our journey. Honestly? It’s insulting.
It’s like a silent put-down, or indication that they think we’re going about this health crisis all wrong. As if there’s a right or wrong way to have your life invaded, turned upside down, and completely overhauled by something that has no cure.
While we are grateful that they are somewhat paying attention and not just ignoring the situation, it’s like putting rocks in our backpack.
Imagine trying to climb a huge hill. And with every attempt you make to gain some ground and get up the hill, someone’s “advice” is actually a heavy rock in your backpack.
One rock, might not impact the climb so much. But little by little, the more rocks (or advice) that you are given, it starts to make the climb impossible.
You feel defeated.
And let’s not forget, there is a hill to climb and the only one climbing is YOU. Not the advice givers.
They aren’t actually climbing the hill or pushing, or giving you any momentum. They are standing along the sidelines, dropping rocks in your backpack as you attempt to get by. They are telling you how to climb the mountain better, when they have never had to climb it themselves. Makes a heavy burden that much heavier.
Giving them the benefit of the doubt, I’m sure they don’t intend to make it harder on us. But, it does. When they ask if we have “tried this” or suggest another alternative, outside of what the doctors are doing, basically they are saying we’ve missed it along the way.
We’ve messed up, and if we would just (insert magic wand here), this entire situation could be fixed.
Chronic disabling illness is a lonely road, made harder by those who direct the focus to being the one to solve the problem, rather than just being there.
We don’t need advice. We need a miracle.
And the advice givers won’t be the one bringing that to us.