(No, sadly this is not where I live)
I have mentioned before that a few years ago we left the big brutal city behind and moved to the country.
We love where we live. We don't love our living situation mind you, but we do love the area.
I've been converted, much to my own surprise.
Traveling to town (and yes its a haul to get there), I pass huge green fields with red barns and silos on my way to the grocery store. It is like a picture on a postcard. My heart soars every single time and I feel like I can breathe deep.
In the fall, those same green fields explode into amazing colors. Horses graze peacefully on my way to town and in the winter, they are decked out in Christmas "sweaters" that make me smile, even on the most mundane days.
My favorite miniature donkey couple, who I have affectionately named Jack and Jackie, have no idea that I am their biggest fan. They make me smile hard. I can hardly stand their cuteness as I drive by, gawking like a typical city girl trying to reform.
But what this city girl was not prepared for was the not so cute creepy crawly kind of critters that also dwell out here in the country. I am fine with the hawks, foxes, deer, and other wildlife that roam around our apartment complex.
I am not fine with the creepy creatures that think my apartment has an open vacancy. Namely, spiders.
Country spiders are a whole other rodeo. Trust me.
So after we moved here, the first one I saw caused quite a disturbance. And being new, I felt bad for the screaming, stomping, shrieking and other sounds that traveled through the building as I waged war on the enemy.
I was just minding my own business, heading towards the coffee pot when a spider larger than I have ever seen before in my entire life, literally did a Usain Bolt maneuver across the living room floor.
Out of the corner of my eye, I first thought, "Was that a mouse?" I'm not kidding. It was that big.
And then my eyes adjusted fully and I nearly fainted, realizing I was going to have to handle this.
This is part of the actual email I sent my neighbor down the hall, so she wouldn't think the new people were hoodlums:
"My apologies if you heard a ruckus down in Z10 this morning. There was a black spider about the size of a golf ball galloping through the living room early this morning. It was not a good way to wake up. When I went to kill it, it jumped on the front of my couch. I finally got him, but it was terrible. Hand to hand combat before I have my coffee, isn't my preferred way to start the day! I will be spraying this apartment."
As I was waging war on the hideous "thing" trying to kill me in the living room, my son stumbled out and in a sleepy voice, asked what was going on.
My reply was................"Get something. Find me something! I don't want this thing on my shoe, oh my gosh, find me SOMETHING!!"
My son's response was..........."WHOA, mom. That is a huge spider."
I was not about to take my eyes off of it, as it had now jumped on the front of the couch and was working its way up. I knew if I lost sight of this thing, I would never sleep again or live in the apartment I had just signed a one year lease for.
Finally, my son rallied and brought me the vacuum. Crisis averted, thank you suction hose attachments that are really really long.
I vacuumed every square inch of the apartment, got rid of the vacuum bag, and sprayed a "bug barrier", (thank you Ortho).
My neighbor? Found this hilarious, as she has lived out here all of her life and is apparently used to arachnids the size of a dinner plate in her dwelling. She found my reaction to be amusing and entertaining. So glad I could brighten her day.
I had to be brave.
And since then, this city girl has learned to shoot.